fucking OkCupid

8 Sep

me:

him:

Hey suh-me-tuh, We chose each other! Reply to this message to contact me. If you don’t want to receive rating messages, go to the settings page to change your notification settings.This message was sent to you by OkCupid on behalf of Throughtheseeye Report this 15% Enemy 90% Friend 92% Match Message from Throughtheseeye

Sep 1, 2011 – 2:31pm

Okc: “We chose each other! Hey suh-me-tuh, We chose each other!” Jesus. Really? Hi.

Sep 1, 2011 – 3:58pm

Oh you must be referring to the pushy program that makes people sounds like half-retarded cave men… Yet it did start this dialogue, so…. What are you going to school for?

Sep 1, 2011 – 4:59pm

I know, I kind of hate myself for giving into it. — Dunt dunnt duhhhhh Environmental Science. I hope to never ever use it. What is your grown-up job?

Sep 2, 2011 – 10:02am

I took a few environmental science classes for my degree in Geography. I liked the classes. How come you don’t want to use it? I make maps for GPS car navigation. Not a bad gig, I get to travel so that is cool. Something odd : I had a dream that I was hanging out with Bill Murray last night. Needless to say I was super pissed to wake up…

Sep 5, 2011 – 7:53pm

It’s boring! I’d like to get the non-profit position I hold to become a paying job. It’s more up my alley: meeting new people, making things happen, for a good cause, keeps me busy…

GPS, huh? I used the shit out of one of those this week. From Thursday evening until a few hours ago, I drove 1,100 miles. I did a huge loop around Georgia. I hit nine cities. It was a lot of driving, but also tons of fun. (for the non-profit)

Lucky duck. I wish I could say the same (Bill Murray dream). (Just so you know, I’m telling you my dream, ’cause it was my dream.. not ’cause I want this conversation to go in a sexy direction- I’m a lady) I had a crazy dream about a guy I went to high school with. I ended up giving him a handy, but his penis was shaped like a bottle of body wash, it was bizarre.

——————————

Something interesting happened to me today…want to hear a story?

if yes… click  here.

———————————–

What did you do this weekend?

Sep 7, 2011 – 11:05am

Wow that is a lot to take in at once… Where to start…

Well I think giving out hand-jobs to body wash shaped penises is very thoughtful of you, everyone loves getting an old-fashion. I still think you are a lady, a very funny one. Also the fact that jerking off a shampoo bottle would be taking this conversation in a sexy direction is hilarious!

I also just had to drive all over the state of SC recently for work. I really like doing that part of my job. Seeing new things trying new places to eat and drink. Rubbing elbows with locals at the local watering hole. I stick out like a yankee asshole thought.

So you went treasure hunting and found more then you bargained for, I would have written on him. He would have been so confused when he woke up.

I did a bunch of stuff this weekend. Monday sums it up rather well. Golf, brewing beer, washing the dog, yard work, house shit and cooking dinner. All while drinking great German beers!

How about you? Any more great handjob/naked dude stories?

Sep 7, 2011 – 5:00pm

Umm. What’s your name? Hi, I’m Samita. (i just realized we hadn’t done that yet.)

Thoughtful of me? I guess you can just call me a team player.

How often do you get to just get in the car and drive? I’m beginning to think I live for that. I use to laugh at my mom when she said she’d like to be a truck driver when she ‘grew up.’ Now, I sort of see the appeal. I submerge myself. This trip I found myself in another junk shop (surprise surprise) for an hour or so. I met and spoke with the owner for a long time. He owned 141 old jute boxes. He also had an assortment of other musical/sound items of yore. Did you know that before we had tape recorders there were these instruments that recorded sound on thin wire? Wire that was as thin as a strand of hair. Miles of it. I was in awe. Did you know before we had disc shaped vinyl there were record tubes? The were about the size of a half-used roll of TP. Nuts. (Tell me if you think this is boring… and if you’re interested, I took video… I’ll put ‘em up on vimeo and give you a link.)

Your Monday sounded productive. What did you cook? Would you hate me if I told you I didn’t like beer?

Unfortunately, no more handjob/naked dude stories. Although, yesterday was my birthday and I didn’t get laid. So, I’m a little bitter about that. Hopefully, I won’t have to wait until my 30th. We’re already planning the “doing blow off of 18 year old boys’ asses” party.

Sep 8, 2011 – 11:28am

Hi Samita, My name would be Keith.

I get to do that about four times a year. I would love to be a famous persons personal driver. Imagine being Will Ferrell’s driver it would rule, just cruise around cracking jokes going to sweet ass Hollywood parties. Burying the dead hooker for a bigger yearly bonus check.

I didn’t know about the thin wire but I did know about the tubes, they were invented by Thomas Edison. I saw a video of some guy on a talk show showing them off. Right as he said “These are extremely rare and priceless” he broke it, then said shit on the air it was great!

I made stuffed banana peppers with grilled chicken. I wouldn’t hate you for not liking beer but it would be tough to hangout with me if you didn’t drink. If you do what is your drink of choice?

I am sorry you didn’t get laid on your birthday, everyone should get some on their birthday. If only I had known… I hope you really don’t think you aren’t going to get laid this year…

My last two birthdays I had a girlfriend and I didn’t get a birthday blow job either year, glad I got rid of that one! Although I would have been cool with blowing lines off her ass as a consolation prize.

Anything fun coming up?

Sep 8, 2011 – 12:52pm

Hi, Keith.

I’d totally bury a dead hooker. And then there’s also HCl. A litte more messy, but no evidence. Super duper Xmas bonuses.

I spelled jukeboxes wrong. I want to point that out.

I just don’t like the taste of beer. I drink, I assure you. Currently my drink of choice is gin. I go through changes, and I see whiskey on the horizon. A friend wrote a bomb ass bio for me this year:

“samita is the bees knees. this girl is one wild south georgia woman who can cook, raises chickens, drinks strait whiskey, and drives an old pick-up truck. she loves kids, animals and causes. she is the director for the unchained tour and a student and savannah state university. no one has a bigger heart or a more open and honest approach to life.”

You’re fucking sold on me now, aren’t you?

I don’t know where she got the whiskey thing, but I feel the need to live up to it. I also just made the transition to drinking my coffee black. Black, like I like my… dead hookers? I dunno.

If you had known. Heh.

I’ll get laid this year. Mama likes to fuck. (I’m a lady.. I keep telling myself this. & I refer to myself as ‘mama’ sometimes.) So, when I’m hard up and about to start humping trees, I usually throw up some cross hairs and reel some sucker in. Don’t get me wrong, ideally I’d like to be in committed, long-term relationship, but I’m also realistic. I know what I want and I’m not going to settle in the relationship department, but I’ll fuck some rando dude in the mean time. Real talk.

You’re last girlfriend sounds like the opposite of a team player. I remember one year for my ex-husband’s birthday, not only did he get a blow job, I let him stick it my butt. Real talk.

I’m interested as hell see how you’ll handle all this TMI. I’m kind of an open book.

Anything fun? A few things here and there this weekend. I’m sure it’s going to involved drinks, food, live music.. and hopefully some goddamn cleaning. What about you?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

%d bloggers like this: